Since the delivery went so smoothly, an hour after Finn's birth I was literally asking when we could go home! While my discharge papers were ready to go quite quickly, we had to wait for Finn to pee & poop to make sure all the plumbing was working, and that took forever! Almost 24 hours actually. It was the most frustrating hospital stay ever since we were so anxious to get home to Liam. They poked & prodded Finn far more than we wanted in those extra hours, and it quickly began to feel unnecessary. Both Conor & I were pretty unhappy with our hospital stay towards those last few hours. We really started to challenge and turn down their "schedule" for another heel prick or pulse-ox check for Finn when there really was no real medical reason for concern. When If we have another, we will most likely have a home birth. I love the idea of laboring, birthing and, most importantly, recovering at home!
I had a very long recovery with Liam that involved lots of assistance from others. Since we were somewhat prepared for that to be the case again, Conor was completely amazed at how quickly I felt just like my old self. He gave me the you're-crazy eyes for practically jumping out of bed and maybe pushing myself a bit more than I should have. He started taking pictures of me doing things that we never would have thought I'd be able to do right after birth. Here he was baffled to catch me crouching on the ground taking pictures of my boys together for the first time at the hospital! I think it took me 1-2 months to be able to move my body like this with Liam, but here I am just hours after birth...!
Now, while all this sounds so wonderful, it still hasn't been a complete breeze. There a few things that aren't back to "normal", which make me still feel stuck in the postpartum phase. I only have about 8 lbs left to loose, but I'm pretty sure that my hips & rib cage haven't shrunk back down one bit. Any dresses that zip up the back will not zip at the top, & none of my pre-pregnancy shorts or pants will button. Well actually they do button, but then it's "hello muffin top!" I know that I just had a baby a mere 7 weeks ago, and that this is expected, but it's still incredibly frustrating when I feel so good already! My body was back to its pre-baby size far more quickly after I had Liam. But I'm learning to love & accept it as is right now.
Aside from the physical, there's also the emotional. The baby blues hit me a bit later this time, not until around 2 weeks postpartum. With Liam I was an emotional mess about his exhausting & difficult birth, so obviously I didn't have that to deal with this time. Nevertheless, having two kids is an emotional adjustment in and of itself. I find that evenings are my challenging time...when I feel a bit sad. I think it's because I finally have a chance to wind down from our day and that is when my mind can wander. During the day, my boys take every ounce of me, & I am completely focused on them. Nighttime is a time for reflection, and sometimes I find myself feeling a bit sad. I can't exactly put my finger on it, but it's there from time to time on my mind. I don't feel as though I'm struggling with PPD, just the typical case of "baby blues" that can sneak up on any of us while going through this time when all the hormones are finding their new balance. Nevertheless, it can still be hard to process those emotions. Sometimes I know that I'm being ridiculous, but I can't change how I feel. There are days when I feel as though I am completely rocking this mom-of-two thing, but others I feel like I'm just not enough. Not enough of a mother, because I can't parent both boys individually exactly as I would want to. Liam doesn't get all of my attention anymore, & Finn doesn't get the pleasure of all day snuggles & staring into each other's eyes that Liam had as an infant. Some evenings I go from putting one to bed and then the other, only to have one of them wake up again shortly thereafter calling only for mommy. Those nights can be exhausting! There are also days now when I feel like I'm not enough of a wife. The house isn't as clean as I'd like... dinner is rarely planned before Conor is home... and somehow there is a seemingly endless list of chores, such that even our usual time alone in the evenings just can't happen. And other times, I feel like I'm just not enough of a woman. This is more about not having that "me" time or doing things for myself as much as I should. I have books I'd like to read, blog posts to write, fitness goals to reach, etc. But don't think for a minute that all this isn't worth it. I know it is; I feel how important each moment together is for me and my boys and I am overflowing with pride in how well they are both growing and developing.
While the blues still sneak in ever so often, I always "check in" with Conor, my mom, & friends to let them know what's on my mind. Their support is an incredible thing and always helps me to see all the good & happiness. Because I LOVE being a mom of two! Motherhood is my greatest & most fulfilling accomplishment! Life couldn't be sweeter! I'm almost ready to say goodbye to being "postpartum" and move on with raising my boys!