Tuesday, February 16, 2016

Tuesday

Today was long.  So so long.  Those early morning hours feel like days ago.  My washing machine has been going nonstop, as has my mind.  Worrying, stressing.  My glass of wine was well deserved.  I better have two.  So today...

Finn woke up with his eyes crusted shut for the second day in a row.  We had a terrible night with him horribly uncomfortable, so not much sleep was had.  I knew I needed to call the doctor the moment that their offices opened up.  I was able to make him an appointment for immediately after preschool drop off.  A quick doctor's visit revealed that Finn had a double ear and double eye infection.  My heart just broke for him.  I couldn't imagine the pain my little boy was in.  He is such a tough strong guy, because I never would have guessed he had so much going on.  I felt like a terrible mother to have let him get this bad before bringing him in.  We obviously needed to start him on antibiotics which I was not thrilled about.  While antibiotics definitely have a wonderful place in the world of medicine, they are so hard on the body.  I like to avoid them at all costs, but especially when my babies aren't even a year old.

When we got home I gave Finn his first dose.  We had a little lunch, and then it was nap time.  I nursed Finn like usual, but he would not fall asleep.  He started crawling around in bed for a minute or two or then starting throwing up.  So much milk.  All over my bed.  It was heartbreaking.  I felt panicked right away.  I stripped Finn and was going to get in the bath with him.  But the throw up just continued.  Round after round.  One time it took me by surprise when I had set him down for just a moment, that all I could do was put out my hands and hope to catch what I could.   He had the saddest face and was just breaking my heart.  Eventually there was no more milk and just bile was coming up.  I started to freak out and feared he was having an allergic reaction.  I placed a call to the doctor's office immediately, and they promised to have our doctor call back shortly.  Only a few minutes later I decided that the situation was urgent.  I got back on the phone and told the nurse that he was still throwing up, and I wasn't comfortable waiting much longer to be in touch with our doctor.  They had us come in immediately.  I was bawling at this point, trying to contact Conor who was in meetings all day.  I called my mom, because I always call my mom.  I was so worried for Finn!

Of course I still had a toddler to manage through all of this.  Liam didn't seem to feel the urgency I did in getting on his socks & shoes and out the door.  Then he insisted upon doing his own seat belt, because today, today was the day he mastered that skill and now won't let anyone else help.  And then Finn threw up again on the drive to the doctor.  So he was covered in vomit.  I had splashes of vomit on me I'm sure.  And Liam was just merrily walking along and not listening.  Frazzled is an understatement.

The doctor evaluated Finn again and since his breathing was fine, she did not think he was having an allergic reaction.  However, his body obviously had an intolerance to the antibiotics.  We decided to wait a day and will re-evaluate on what course to take tomorrow.  I'm hoping to start him on a gentler antibiotic.  I've done a lot of research on my own to try and figure out what will be best for Finn.  I need to be his advocate.  I wish I had been more informed before I gave him his first dose.  The antibiotic given too him was far too intense.  Especially for such a small child and for someone who has never before had antibiotics.  It felt like another mommy fail.

So tonight I held him in my arms as much as possible.  I bathed with him, letting his little body fall asleep on mine.  Feeling his baby soft skin, I was reminded that I am doing everything I can for him.  I am his comfort and his protector.  I'm trying to nurse him as much as possible to keep him hydrated and to help him kick this. Plus, nursing is by far his greatest comfort.  Tomorrow I hope to start the day refreshed.  The inversion (which probably caused all of these illnesses in the first place) has finally lifted.  Some fresh air will be good for us all.  But tonight, tonight I'm washing all our bedding.  Our bath mat.  His car seat.  Our clothes.  And sipping some wine just long enough to relax.  But then I'm going to sneak right into bed with Finn and love on him all night long.  Today was one of those days of motherhood that I will not quickly forget.

Cheers to a better tomorrow. A no emergencies tomorrow.

24 comments :

  1. I feel you...I've been there too- second guessing meds and then ultimately being right. Why are meds so difficult to get right?! Hope Finn and you got some rest last night and that you and the doctor can figure out a way to help him feel better. And Liam- I actually laughed about him insisting on buckling his carseat and walking "merrily" I know that well too!

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  2. I'm sorry. I know that it is hard, especially with a toddler. We want to trust the experts, but as you said, we also need to be informed. You are not a failure by any means. Raising babes, as cruel as it is seems, is nothing but trial and error. You're doing great :)

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  3. oh no, poor baby! there is nothing worse than your kiddos getting sick, especially so young! will be thinking of you, mama and sending healthy thoughts your way!

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  4. Oh the days where our babies are sick are the worst! I always struggled with the balance of cleaning everything up with just snuggling the sick babe and providing the comfort. I always preferred when it happened when Chris was home cause he's great at cleanup mode. Hopefully Finn feels better soon and maybe you can find a better antibiotic for him. And I couldn't help but laugh about Liam. It's so true that they can get in those moods where they will do everything themselves with no urgency and have no clue of the world around them!

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  5. Aww, hope you have a better day today. Having a sick babe is the worst feeling! Hoping for a quick recovery for your little guy :)

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  6. FINN!!! AND YOU!!! k is our puker (girlfriend's first reaction to anything is throwing up). and its HORRIBLE. i honestly can't imagine the fear of just seeing the poor little guy throwing up over and over and over. and knowing its the medication for his (DOUBLE!) eye and ear infection. i hope you guys can figure out how to treat the infection AND prevents a case of the vomits. and is it just me or is milk throw up grosser than expected? also. wine. its never too early. ok fine- have a mimosa instead this morning.

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  7. Oh poor baby! I can't imagine how hard all of this was for both of you! I hope tomorrow is a much better day!

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  8. poor Finn. its so hard to see our babies sick and then to have the antibiotics make things worse for you is so disheartening. i hope you find some answers today. and i agree with Erin - grab a mimosa, mama!

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  9. oh mama :( hugs to you and Finn. I hope he's feeling better today! I'm so sorry that the antibiotic had such an adverse reaction for him. I'm not a big fan of them either but sometimes it's needed. I rarely take them for myself. I hope he's feeling better and hope you all can get some sleep tonight.

    liz @ j for joiner

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  10. This made me tear up. Poor Finn.
    Sending hugs your way, and hoping the littlest man is feeling much better today.

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  11. oh hun. i am so sorry. poor Finn. hope he gets better soon.

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  12. Oh good heavens, I'm almost in tears for you. How scary and sad and overwhelming. Of course, it sounds like you've handled it all so well. There are definitely days like this, thankfully few and far between. I hope it's been straightened out for Finn and he's feeling better. You of all people are the pro - momma's milk can do wonders (I'm SURE you're familiar with this, but put your milk in his eyes!!).

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  13. Oh my goodness, honey. I'm so sorry for what you're going through. So scary and so frustrating and so overwhelming. I know you're not feeling great about your decisions, but don't beat yourself up, you're doing the best you can and continue to do what's right for that little guy. You're an amazing mom (the BEST) and I hope you're all feeling better today. You deserve ALL THE WINE tonight.

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  14. Oh mama!! What a terrible day! I am so sorry little Finn was feeling so awful. :( P had a bout with some stomach bug a couple weeks back and it was the dairy (granted she is no longer breastfed) that was upsetting her. So we just had to wait it out. But I could imagine the fear over the sickness coming from the amoxicillin. Scary stuff - hoping he feels better today!

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  15. Oh poor Finn - and poor you, too :( Such a sad, scary day! Hope he's feeling better ASAP!

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  16. Lots of hugs to you and Finn! I don't think anyone feels like you're a failure and I'm sure Finn doesn't either. Hopefully he's feeling better soon (and you are too).

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  17. Oh mama! Now I know what Sara was talking about! I'm so sorry! Poor Finn and poor mama. Mason once has an eye infection so we took him to the doctor and they told us he had an double ear infection too! I had NO idea and felt TERRIBLE. These boys are warriors, so strong! I hope Finn is feeling better today and that you can find some gentler antibiotics. Don't take it out on yourself, you are an amazing mom and are doing what's best for Finn! Have a glass (or 10) of wine tonight and I hope today and tomorrow are better!

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  18. Oh sweet momma I am so sorry! How scary. Poor Finn! Not only was that scary for you, but also for him. He had no clue what was happening and why and since you couldn't "fix" it for him i'm sure he was even more freaked out. And gosh darn preschoolers not having a care in the world. Cam is that way too. Sending you positive vibes and lots of love. You are a super mom!

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  19. Aww I'm so sorry! Talk about a stressful day. I'm so glad that you guys are alright. Sending positive vibes your way for a better day and health and sleep around your home!

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  20. Poor, poor baby and mommy! I am so glad it wasn't anything life threatening, but I'm sure was still as scary as anything. You are an unbelievable mom, and your babies are so lucky to have you. Hope you got some relaxing snuggle time with Finn tonight and that tomorrow is so much better for you all. Hugs!

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  21. Poor Finn, poor you, poor everyone. I'm so, so sorry! I hope your week has gotten better & that everyone is feeling okay!

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  22. oh no no no poor Finn! Poor mama! I hope things have been looking better the past day or two. Sick babies are the worst. And that just sounds much too scary. I sure hope he is feeling better.

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  23. Poor Finn and poor you. I don't know how I missed this post, so sorry you had such a scary day. I can only imagine the anxiety and stress on your mommy heart. Hope all is better now.

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  24. I hope Finn (and you) are feeling much better! Poor guy and poor mama. It's so hard on a mama's heart when her baby is sick.

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