That morning, I took a few moments to reflect on our time here in Utah. We've lived here for over 3 years now, which is the longest we have lived anywhere since college (2 years in Delaware, 1.5 in Arizona, and 1 in Seattle). We've really put down roots. In our neighborhood. In our community. In Liam's school. It's been a wonderful place to raise our boys! We've taken full advantage of the outdoors and everything this big city has to offer.
So how could we ever leave, right?! The thought actually terrifies me. I can't imagine not walking outside in the evenings to our neighborhood full of children. Or not having my close group of stay-at-home-mom friends that fill my mornings & afternoons with playdates. On a daily basis, no joke. I seriously freak out if I don't have plans scheduled for the next day. I'm part of a wonderful little tribe, and I just love raising our babies together! And I love how close we live to the mountains. And the zoo, museums, aquarium, etc. What would I do without it all? The thought of starting over somewhere sounds exhausting & lonely.
But... as much as our friends feel like family, they are not. I recently took Liam to a school friend's birthday party, and I was nearly in tears watching this girl with all her cousins, aunts/uncles, & grandparents there to celebrate with her. My kids won't have that. There will be no family at Finn's party. And family is so so important to me; it's extremely difficult to live away. I know that Conor & I have always made the right decisions for our family, and that we have had many adventures in our time away. But I still ache to move back home, and that ache will always be there. We don't know how much longer we'll stay in Utah, or even when/if/where we will move. The uncertainty is tough on me. I'm a planner. I want our forever home, and I really want that before Liam starts 1st grade. So we have exactly 2 years to figure that out! Unfortunately, Conor & his job aren't necessarily on that same timeline.