Monday, February 20, 2017

Pregnancy Notes

We had a midwife appointment today, with me being just over 13 weeks pregnant!  I left the appointment with "all the feels".  Lots of emotions.  Lots of thoughts.  And so I write.

First off, I love my midwife!  She is practically Ina May, in such a sweet loving mother/grandmother way.  Her knowledge about the woman's body, the baby, everything just amazes me!  She has taught me more in a few appointments than any doctor or midwife ever has.  Our appointments are always an hour long, so we truly get to know one another.  The amount of personal care that goes into using a home birth midwife is so special & unique.  I love that I have her available to me at all times.  I can easily send off a quick text to her about any concerns.  She is simply the best!

She is always very candid & open.  Today I had a full exam, and we discussed my birth injuries from Liam's birth.  There is physical as well as emotional damage, and this is something that I still struggle with.  I have a lot of birth trauma from that whole experience.  And while Finn's birth was incredibly healing, it doesn't erase the past.  Unfortunately, pregnancy tends to bring out the birth trauma emotions each time.  My midwife was the most honest anyone has ever been with me about my injuries, which was hard to hear.  But I know talking it out is important, and that I do need to move on.  Hopefully this third birth will be another healing experience.  I trust my body and it's capabilities.  And I'm thrilled to be able to have a home birth experience.  It's something I have really wanted.

Since that was all a bit heavy, let's end on a happy note.  The real highlight of the appointment was getting glimpse at our growing boy.  Liam & Finn love being a part of the process.  Helping turn on & off the doppler, getting to see the ultrasound.  Their awe & understanding of it all is amazing.  I posted a sweet video to Instagram if you have yet to see it.  Finn's voice is the cutest thing ever; his excitement palpable as well as contagious.  Liam is quiet, but that is so his personality.  Just taking in the moment, sure to bombard me with thoughts & questions afterwards.


Seeing our baby, who seems huge already, was the best part of my day.  It all just seems that much more real.  He was a particularly active little guy, just like his brothers were.  We are all so so excited to meet him!

19 comments :

  1. I love that they are both so in to it. Finn's little voice on the video was so sweet! They are going to be the best big big and big middle brothers!

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  2. How great for them to be a part of it and so genuinely interested! And how amazing to find a midwife you really love and trust!

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  3. Wow!!! Your birth stories are incredible - I am so sorry about your first experience and so glad you had a better second experience. Looking forward to praying for you for an even better natural third experience!

    Unfortunately for me, I have had two emergency c-sections before so I don't have the option third time around - I am just praying for no emergencies or preemies x

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  4. This is the sweetest picture! Praying this birth goes EXACTLY how you want it to!

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  5. Finn is so cute! Finn is a year younger than Sophie, but she has that same kind of reaction when she sees mine on the ultrasound, she's like there's the baaaaby. She really elongates the first part of the word. Or she just points to my stomach and says baaaaby.

    So excited we're so close to each other in this pregnancy, we can really see how each pregnancy goes :)

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  6. This is just so sweet; love your reflections. And that video literally melted my heart. So sweet!

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  7. That video was my FAVE!!!!!!! Can't believe your baby boy is going to be a big brother! So exciting, my friend!

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  8. Im so sorry to read about your tramautic first birth experience. Praying for another healing birth! I want to know more about homebirthing, it fascinates me but it isnt for me (give me that epidural ;)

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  9. I love how interested both big brothers are! So, so sweet! I just read your birth stories. I'm sorry that Liam's didn't go according to plan. I couldn't imagine laboring for that long! With Mila, my contractions were similar to yours. I ended up pushing for 4 hours because my contractions were all over the place. Some would be a minute apart, some would be 10 minutes apart. I was always told that contractions had to be consistent to be true labor. Wasn't the case for me and it's interesting to read that it wasn't the case for you either! So glad Finn's was a much better experience! Crazy how similar our deliveries were. With Maci, I barely made it to the hospital! Hoping #3 is another good experience for you! Very interested to hear how your home birth experience is when the time comes!!

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  10. I'm so jealous of your Ina May midwife!! My OB is great, but she's no Ina May :p

    The excitement Abigail has brought to this pregnancy is absolutely contagious- so I know what you're talking about. Any time I feel nervous or anxious, her excitement snaps me right out of it. I'm so thankful for that!

    And yes- I can't believe how big your baby is already! That's crazy!

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  11. Your video was just the sweetest. Hearing those little boys as they watched their brother was the best.
    Your midwife sounds amazing, and I'm so glad you've found someone so perfectly fit for you!

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  12. Such a special day! The boys' reactions are priceless. And, I love what a great experience it has been with your mid-wife. That is so sweet!

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  13. Aww, that photo of you guys is so precious! I love that your boys get to be involved with seeing the ultrasounds!

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  14. I just read about your birth with Liam and I had no idea! Hope this one is everything you are wanting. Can't wait to hear about it! xo

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  15. Your midwife sounds amazing! I love that the boys are so involved. So incredibly sweet!!

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  16. what a sweet post.. it must be really wonderful to be able to share this with your boys.
    Sorry to hear about your previous birth trauma.. i can't even imagine what you must have and are going through. Glad you have found such an amazing midwife.

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  17. Congratulations! (I'm sorry I'm a little late with the news...) Your midwife sounds wonderful and how exciting to do a home birth! I love this sweet post; I love that your children are getting to witness life in the making :)

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  18. I have four girls and can relate to your post so much. Your boys will share a strong bond I am sure. Congrats!

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  19. Hi Laura,
    I'm not sure if you remember me but I had my daughter Kenya around same time you had Liam - also extremely traumatic and horrific, I am still recovering as well. I'm so so sorry you've been through these things. I remember first reading your blog and being so jealous that you seemed to have had a normal experience compared to mine, until you finally shared what really happened and then I felt so heartbroken and connected to you through your story. If you ever want to talk about anything, I've been through the "birth injury" bit as well (pelvic organ prolapse of several types and obstetric fistula among other issues). I have found some people who have really helped me but it will always be a struggle. Also in physical therapy now and they found my pelvis was actually dislocated in the birth (400 pounds of force on top of a small-framed girl like me during labor was not as helpful as they thought it was). I'm so sorry you've been through what you have but just want you to know I'm so happy that you were able to go on to have more kids and will be praying this birth goes just as well as the second one. You are so brave to have a natural birth after all you've been through. As for us, we're in the process of starting adoption but it's a complicated and expensive process so very slow. Just trying to soak up Kenya and all the joy she brings us, among all the craziness of teaching and life. Much love to you and your boys and congrats on this new bundle of joy!!! Email me anytime - kristin.deyoung@gmail.com. <3

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