We had a midwife appointment today, with me being just over 13 weeks pregnant! I left the appointment with "all the feels". Lots of emotions. Lots of thoughts. And so I write.
First off, I love my midwife! She is practically Ina May, in such a sweet loving mother/grandmother way. Her knowledge about the woman's body, the baby, everything just amazes me! She has taught me more in a few appointments than any doctor or midwife ever has. Our appointments are always an hour long, so we truly get to know one another. The amount of personal care that goes into using a home birth midwife is so special & unique. I love that I have her available to me at all times. I can easily send off a quick text to her about any concerns. She is simply the best!
She is always very candid & open. Today I had a full exam, and we discussed my birth injuries from Liam's birth. There is physical as well as emotional damage, and this is something that I still struggle with. I have a lot of birth trauma from that whole experience. And while Finn's birth was incredibly healing, it doesn't erase the past. Unfortunately, pregnancy tends to bring out the birth trauma emotions each time. My midwife was the most honest anyone has ever been with me about my injuries, which was hard to hear. But I know talking it out is important, and that I do need to move on. Hopefully this third birth will be another healing experience. I trust my body and it's capabilities. And I'm thrilled to be able to have a home birth experience. It's something I have really wanted.
Since that was all a bit heavy, let's end on a happy note. The real highlight of the appointment was getting glimpse at our growing boy. Liam & Finn love being a part of the process. Helping turn on & off the doppler, getting to see the ultrasound. Their awe & understanding of it all is amazing. I posted a sweet video to Instagram if you have yet to see it. Finn's voice is the cutest thing ever; his excitement palpable as well as contagious. Liam is quiet, but that is so his personality. Just taking in the moment, sure to bombard me with thoughts & questions afterwards.
Seeing our baby, who seems huge already, was the best part of my day. It all just seems that much more real. He was a particularly active little guy, just like his brothers were. We are all so so excited to meet him!